Sex and hunger go hand-in-hand, right? Let’s not forget thirst. Before you get red-faced or develop that feeling of awkwardness allow me to clarify: I allude to the diminishment of life sustaining resources . . . you pervs. Must it always be something sexual with you?
I was doing a little research on historical reference dating when I happened upon this word: malthusian. It has a certain solidity to it, an eloquence arising from some ethereal sort of mysticism — and honestly, I didn’t know its meaning.
~adjective
of or pertaining to the theories of T. R. Malthus, which state that population tends to increase faster, at a geometrical ratio, than the means of subsistence, which increases at an arithmetical ratio, and that this will result in an inadequate supply of the goods supporting life unless war, famine, or disease reduces the population or the increase of population is checked.
For those of you who like an crisp summary without all the meaningful detail this word should be one of your immediate favorites because it says so much in 10 letters—basically, keep your libido in check or we shall all assuredly starve. That goes double for those of you at the shallow end of the gene pool or in backwoods trailer parks; you know the ones, just past the hollar, down by the crick.
If I’ve lost you already then it may be time to cradle that beer in one hand and fixate on NASCAR. Oh! That reminds me of a classic riddle — Do you know why rednecks prefer doggystyle?
Give up?
Because that way they both can watch NASCAR.
I told you it was a classic.
Imagine the strains on energy resources, agricultural and ecosystem resources. For some perspective, have you ever been in line at the movie theater concession counter and waited 15 minutes or more only to find out the dick in front of you bought the last box of Raisinets? What if your date loves Raisinets and you come back with something lame like Milk Duds . . . guess who ain’t gettin’ any that night?
Or how about the same scenario at a ballpark. You wait in line, behind a bunch of Yankee or Dodger fans, drunk on their own inflated sense of athletic dysfunction, only to get up to the counter (finally!) and be told “The guy in front of you got the last side of nacho cheese. Sorry, we’re all out.” You return to your cheap seats and your date says “Where’s the nachos?” as you sheepishly hand over the reeking garlic fries — which happen to be very good, by the way!
Think you’re scoring that night? Think again.
See the problem? Overpopulation leads to a distressing amount of competition for food. This affects not only your stomach but also greatly extends your personal ‘drought’.
Can you imagine the sheer societal havoc to be had if overpopulation lead to a shortage of beer or wine? Do you really want to see that in your lifetime? I didn’t think so!
Now go forth and contemplate the potentially brutal dynamics of our very existence as seen through the sobering goggles of T.R. Malthus.
Nobody better lay a finger on my Butterfinger!
Ugh. Tell that to the orthodox Jews in my country… I love Judaism because it has many practical applications. BUT, there is no need to breed like rabbits anymore, and even less of a need for the country to use up most of the taxes I pay to feed these children who are born to parents who don’t work, but instead spend all their time in “holy” study. BULLSHIT.
We have that here, too. It goes by the name of entitlements, or, if you prefer, welfare. Lots of people live off the taxpayer dime and bitch about how they can’t get anywhere. The answer, obvious to you and me, is to look no further than inside. Be accountable.
I applaud your passion and vigor :^)
You almost lost me after assuring me that this was not about research proving that certain foods result in out-of-this -world sexual pleasures. Ah well…I did read the rest of your post. The next time you have beer or wine or a Butterfinger, please make a toast to me or kiss my fingers ( feet would be better) for not having procreated anyone who’d take your share of gourmand-ish pleasures.
I am surprised that you didn’t take me to task for my subtle dig at Yankee and Dodger fans ;^)
Gee…this reminds me I haven’t REALLY been hungry or thirsty for some time. I need to correct that.
Soon.
Great post Jeffrey. Happy Independence Day and all that that implies.
LK
Thank you very much Ms. Kendrick! I genuinely appreciate that :^) I hope this Fourth finds you doing well and healthy.
What a great blog post! As I have fed my gigantic brood of boys a massive amount of food over the years, I have wondered – “Lord, what have I let loose on the world?” It was a lot of fun making ‘em, but now somebody’s gotta feed ‘em! I shall store that dear word in my brain for future reference when my brood begins to produce their own progeny!
Now explain how you went from American Gods to Tattoos and Tequila on your reading list!
Sharon (who met you at the PUYBP chat a week or so ago!)
American Gods was a novel I was intrigued by one day in a bookstore while browsing around. I didn’t get it that day, but wound up getting it on the day I did my book signing at an indie bookstore in Tempe. tattoos and Tequila was read for review for the New York Journal of Books. I grew up during the era of 80′s hair bands, and while not a huge fan of the Crüe I was interested in what one of rock’s most notorious frontmen had to say.
Nice try with this post, but I think you should have done a bit more research. Malthus’s ideas aren’t new – they’re about 200 years old, and they’re not a problem in the western world today. Industrialized countries don’t have too many people, they typically have too few. Native European populations are shrinking across the board, and the U.S. is *barely* growing due to births – it’s almost all due to immigration. As for your straw-man “problems” – I don’t think I’ve ever been in the “that guy just got the last one” situation, but even so, that’s a supply problem with one minor item, not widespread starvation; the two are *very* different, and we seldom face either in the developed world.
Another good word to know is “dystopian”, meaning essentially, a world where everything is bad (the opposite of utopian), which I think is the direction this post is leaning. The thing is, you can find good evidence that the world we live in (referring to the civilized world here) is the worst of all possible worlds if you look for it, or you can compare the world we live in to human history and find out that we live in an *amazing* time, and that we should be embarrassed to complain about it. There is more food and more nutritious food available than anytime in history (a major problem with the poor is often *obesity*, not starvation; starvation around the world is almost always due to political trouble, not food supply); you can buy medicine at the supermarket that would have changed the direction of many of the wars in hisotry (in the U.S. Civil War, starting exactly 150 years ago, more soldiers died of disease than combat); education is freely available to everyone (google the Gutenberg press; you can read enough to know what the first book printed was, in less time than it would have taken someone to go to the library and *find* a book in the card catalog a mere 50 years ago).
My point is, we live in a remarkable time. Most of the problems we hear about are remote (North Korea might get nukes!) or manufactured (“Shark attacks on the rise – 2 this year! Video at 11!”) or both. I think we should realize that: 1) Western civilization has done more to improve the living conditions of its citizens than any other civilization in history; 2) Most of the humans who have ever lived would probably have given 20 years of their lives to be able to live in our world for 5 years, or have given up their lives entirely for their children to live here; 3) Happiness is increased by being thankful for what you *do* have, but is reduced by complaining about what you *don’t* have. (Try reading Robinson Crusoe or The Handmaid’s Tale for some perspective. Then walk into the produce section of any grocery store. It’s amazing what 1 hours’ wages can buy today that wasn’t available at any price 100 or more years ago.)
And if the whole post was being hyper-ironic, and I just read it wrong, sorry about that; I can be dense at times. In that case… I have no idea what you meant, and anyone who does probably won’t understand what caused my response, so they might want to just skip it.