A momentary respite from my blog tour stuff . . .
Can I get . . .
Do you remember the Magic 8 Ball? It’s still produced by Mattel, in case you were wondering. For those who may not have enjoyed it’s completely random omniscience, you are supposed to ask any question at all towards the big number eight on the face of the ball, then turn it over to see how the universe feels about your question. Entertaining, sure. Eerily concidental . . . at times. If you have the slightest bit of worry-wort in you, don’t so much as approach the Magic 8 Ball. You’ll thank me later.
I bring up the Mighty Magic 8 Ball because there is a huge untapped market for this diversionary toy. I think Mattel should immediately embark on an advertising campaign directed at people to ask the following question when ordering at restaurants/fast food chains:
Can I get . . .
Maybe it would be better for Mattel to focus on the franchisees and restaurant owners instead. I’d pay a little extra for the sheer entertainment value of seeing a waiter or cashier repeating the question to a Magic 8 Ball, then turning it over and relaying the toy’s answer.
Customer approaches counter at, let’s say, Taco Bell.
Joe Public: “Can I get 2 tacos and a burrito Supreme?”
Cashier: palms Magic 8 Ball sitting in front of register, gives it a quick shake, then turns it over and reads the response “Concentrate and ask again.”
How perfectly fitting would that be as a response? Guess what, Taco Bell is in the business of selling tacos and burritos. McDonalds sells hamburgers, Arby’s sells roast beef, KFC sells fried chicken. My point may be getting lost.
There is always, and I do mean always, someone in line who will begin their order by asking the blatantly obvious. If you’re in Taco Bell, guess what you can get—a taco, or burrito, etc. Why ask if you can get one when that’s what they friggin’ sell?
Why people . . . why?
Now, I absolutely understand that if you want something that’s not specifically listed on the menu then you’re asking if you can be provided something not called out in their list of offerings. If you want fried pickle chips on your burger, you’d have to ask for them. Hang on! Here’s another example where you don’t need to ask “Can I get . . .”: If you’re requesting a modification to the standard deliverable, that is, if you don’t want tomatoes, but do want extra onions and secret sauce/Thousand Island dressing on your burger. Those items are typically provided on the burger, but you’re asking for a deviation from the norm. That’s a perfectly plausible reason to ask “Can I get . . .”
So you waiters and cashiers out there, if I’m ever in your establishment and see you whip out a Magic 8 Ball, you’re getting a little something extra in your tip from me, because I know you’re dealing with someone who clearly isn’t paying attention.
Now I’m going to hear it from people who have done this all their lives, if only because they’ve done it all their lives. or because “everybody does it.” Just because everybody does doesn’t make it right. Before the blessed advent of plumbing people pissed or performed other bodily functions where ever they saw fit—that would fly today, would it? No, the two aren’t closely related . . . but in principle they are.
Bottom line is, if it’s on the menu, you know, the big one, lit up, directly behind the counter or in your hands (if it’s a restaurant menu), then unless they’re out of the item you can get it. Pretty simple.
Yeah, this has been chafing me for years, and I finally resolved to get it off my chest for the world to see. I know I can’t be the only one who finds this stupifying.
If you’d like to see the internet version of the Magic 8 Ball at work, hop on over to Erv’s Virtual Magic 8 Ball. Go ahead and ask it “Can I get . . .”
I’ll be back later with my blog tour stop listed for tomorrow!
Happy Easter everyone!
